wrigley field is MILF paradise
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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