Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
