i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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