I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
