She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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