I skipped work to stalk him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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