I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
