my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My liver is preforming stress tests.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
