TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
