Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
