dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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