i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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