I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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