Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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