If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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