My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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