I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
mondays should just be called national damage control day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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