Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
