Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize