He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
