Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
