I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
