Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize