remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
