Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he thought i was a dude.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
