I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
