i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
