Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
