All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
