He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
