hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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