Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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