my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize