didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
