this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
