Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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