I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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