Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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