Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
