i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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