I think my vagina is haunted
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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