I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
