So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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