I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
