Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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