the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
