You're completely useless in the revolution.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
