i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
