I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
