my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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