If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
