You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
