i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
