Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize