I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
