no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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