At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
