marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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