i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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