3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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