We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
