Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize