You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
