please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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