Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its about making memories worth repressing
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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