Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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