Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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