okay pat passed out under dana's car
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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