It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
